Happy New Year 2010

Last year, around this time, I was experiencing my first North Eastern winter. Being accustomed to the balmy 70 degree Phoenix winters, I remember complaining every time the mercury dipped lower than 65 degrees, which, needless to say, was everyday! This year, I step nonchalantly in the low 40 degree temperatures like a seasoned North Easterner, reserving my lamentations only for the freezing 20 degree days. It’s amazing what a year can do! 2009 has been more than just acclimating to the weather and dealing with the recent two feet snow dump. Here’s a glimpse of the Rajagopalan year 2009.

Family has been a large focus in 2009, with several of our extended family members visiting us from India, Botswana and within the US. Anil’s aunt, cousin Malvika and cousin Nithya were the first to set the trend in May. They were followed in July by his uncle and aunt from Botswana and then again by his cousin Nithya and her husband Anand in October. We did travel, however, other than one trip to Kansas during the July 4th weekend to meet with our friends, most of our jaunts were confined to the Washington DC area. We recorded six visits to DC during the past year; most of them with our visiting families. Mother and daughter set another record in 2009 by visiting the Smithsonian National Zoo during every DC trip. By the third visit, I learned to optimize my travel path around the zoo and figured out the quickest way to see all of Sahaana’s favorite animals (and mine!).

As many of you know, we made the move to the East Coast to be primarily close to our dear friends. And the past year proved just how right we were in making that momentous decision. We spent time hanging out with the Pai-Mehtas, and Anil’s close friends in Princeton and Short Hills, NJ. Jai, another close friend, spent a few weeks with us in November and December before he traveled westward to California. We also strengthened our new friendships with neighbors from our community and colleagues from my workplace.

Moving on to Sahaana, she is gradually weaning herself from her favorite purple dinosaur shows, though the soft toy still accompanies her to bed every night. Dora and Mickey are her favorite pals these days. Over the past year, she has discovered a love for dance and moves with the same kind of passion to Bollywood music, kids’ tunes and hard rock. She chatters non-stop; her favorite lines during the past few weeks have been “Do you have any questions?” and “I have an idea”. Of course, every time I try to get her to do anything, she retorts flippantly with “I don’t like that idea”.

Anil continues to work from home and remains the workaholic that he is. Since both his professional and personal schedule remains relentless, he hasn’t had much time to pursue his other loves - namely soccer, tennis or badminton. He does, however, manage to squeeze in his daily quota of gym time. He made a quick trip to India during the second week in December to attend his cousin’s wedding in Kerala. During the time that he spent in Mumbai, he indulged in five hours of badminton each day at the Bandra Gymkhana and hence returned to Delaware a much happier Anil!

As for me, other than Sahaana, 2009 has been largely about work. In addition, I enrolled in violin lessons last February. I haven’t been blogging as much as I did in 2008, but I manage a couple of posts every month on average. Photography continues to remain my passion as does reading.

2009 has been an incredibly tough year world around, with the recession and the problems it brings along with it. The immensity and the gravity of the situation hit closer home this past year, when several of our dear friends lost their jobs. Anil and I count our blessings each day and our hearts go out to people who are facing challenging times. We hope that this holiday season and the New Year 2010 bring with it joy, cheer and happiness to all of you. May all your wishes come true!

The Rajagopalan Christmas tree

This Christmas, Anil finally gave the go-ahead to buy a Christmas tree. No, the change of heart cannot be attributed to a newly discovered love for the year-end celebrations or finally relaxing his strict rules to accomodate my five year long yearning. No prizes for guessing who is responsible for the 6.5 foot artificial tree that stands in our living room. You are absolutely right - it was Sahaana who changed his mind. Since Thanksgiving, she has been admiring our neighbors' lawn decorations and the numerous Christmas trees that dot every strip mall, exclaiming "It's so bootiful". And so, a few days before he left for India, Anil called me while I was busy at work and asked me to check out a tree on www.christmastreesgalore.com. We went back and forth over a couple of trees for a few minutes before deciding on one that both of us liked. A few clicks of the mouse and the deed was done. Yay! A tree was finally on it's way to the Rajagopalan residence via Fedex. After four days in transit, the tree made it safe and sound to our place on Thursday. Jai, our friend who is visiting with us helped me put the three pieces of the tree together, all of which would have taken about 20 minutes. Once fitted, all I needed to do was fan out the branches to ensure that the tree looked full. That took me a better part of a hour and a half. The tree was already pre-lit and looked moderataly nice when hooked up to a power outlet, but it definitely needed decorations to glitz and glam it up. I was thinking about paying a visit to the neighboring Pier 1 imports, when Jai suggested a quick stop at the nearby Dollar store. In retrospect, I was glad to have made the trip. On my first visit, I indulged in a bunch of colored glass ornaments and an assortment of glittery stars, reindeers and some birds that looked suspiciously like doves for a few dollars. Of course, upon returning home and arranging the ornaments on the tree, I realized that I needed perhaps a hundred more (a slight exaggeration) such baubles to make the tree look full. And hence I found myself trudging down the familiar path the next day. As I stood waiting for the attendant to check me out, I found all the people behind me eyeing me curiously. And that's when I realized that other than a few solitary glass stars, I pretty much wiped the whole aisle clean. I am sure after my visit to the store, they would have run out of their stock of Christmas decorations.

Well anyways, the end result has been completely satisfying!

Sahaana talk

This exchange happened last weekend when I was watching the latest episode of Desperate Housewives. Sahaana was playing with her favorite teddy "Brownie" on the couch and suddenly seems rivetted by what was happening on the television. And then -
S. (looking at Susan and Mike on the bed): Mommy why are they not wearing any clothes?
Me (not able to think fast): Umm...Umm...
Anil: They are wearing clothes, but you can't see them since they have covers over them.
Of course, this interchange means that I can no longer watch Desperate Housewives or for that matter any show with adult content with my daughter lurking in the background.

About Me

When I was young (God! that seems like a long time ago!), I was a different person. A little naive maybe, a trifle unsophisticated and definitely unwelcoming of things that were alien and contrary to my Tambram upbringing. I was likened as the quintessential "adakka odukkama irukara (well-behaved and obedient)" Tambram daughter by both my extended family and my parents' friend circle. That was then.

"Change is inevitable", so they say! And over the past several years, the six letter word has worked it's way on me too. When once I had long tresses that snaked down my back in a long thick, well oiled plait, I now have short hair that frames my face and hangs a little lower than my chin. My reticence to wear western outfits primarily due to my low self-confidence to carry the clothes off with elan, has now given way to a self assured person who wears western outfits like a second skin. Of course, being in the US doesn't leave me with too many options and hence I chose to adapt. Amma and appa, who during my Jyostna days were absolutely reluctant to see their older daughter in non Indian outfits, surprisingly took to my new avatar quite immediately. Perhaps, they thought that they were fighting a losing battle; I was married and several thousand miles away and hence they couldn't wield their control over me as effectively as they had done during my years at home.

The changes don't just stop with my external appearance. As a person too, I have evolved and transformed. Being in the US has pushed my boundaries of acceptance; I no longer raise an eyebrow when I encounter something that falls outside of my general belief set. While in South Korea, my first stint outside of the US, I remember wanting to throw up everytime I smelled the earthy and fermented flavors of cabbage and radish kimchi. In fact even when we moved to the US, I recollect sitting in a Middle Eastern restaurant, not quite sure how to spice up the bland hummus. Finally, I summoned enough courage to ask the person waiting on us to hand me some ketchup. And that's how I ate my pita and hummus - drenched in a layer of red Heinz ketchup. I have come a long way since then. My outlook has generally broadened; I am almost non judgmental, I am not scandalized by what I watch on television, hear on the radio, read in the newspapers or observe around me.

All changes, needless to say, are not positive. I have become a little too discerning. I might stop shy of calling myself a snob, but sometimes, I believe the label fits me well. I am a coffee snob, a pizza snob, a fashion snob.... I find it difficult to forge new friendships, partly due to my discriminatory nature and partly because I am very comfortable with my current group and don't feel the need to make any new alliances which require constant nurturing to develop into an everlasting relationship. I am also not afraid of speaking up, which can be disastrous at times. Even when the occasion does not demand it, I feel the need to strongly voice my opinion, which sometimes leads to uncomfortable consequences. I over-analyze people and situations so much that sometimes I tend to obsess over it, rather than just move on. I have grown to dislike broad brush and general statements like "everyone, most, all" and find myself picking on trivial conversations with people challenging them or asking them to elaborate what they actually mean when they refer to "everyone, most or all". Perhaps it is a function of my job that requires high precision or perhaps it is just who I have become over the years.

Happy Deepavali!

This year, amma and appa sent me a bunch of Deepavali bakshanams through their friendly neighborhood courier service. Thanks to their rigorous packing standards, everything made it in ship-shape and four days ahead of the festival, which this year is on Saturday, the 17th. And so, as of Tuesday evening, my pantry is stocked with airtight containers filled with pakodam, thenkozhal (chakli variety), mysorepak, karanjis and rava laddoos. Deepavali is largely about food and social visits; with the first part taken care of, it has already started to feel like the good old times from Jyotsna.

There is something to be said about amma's expertise in the food department. In the first couple of decades at Jyotsna, I never really got a sense of amma's cooking, since paati was the supreme commander in the Jyotsna kitchen. Amma was only a sous chef and scuttled around the kitchen following orders and suggestions from paati as they collaborated on both mundane, everyday dishes and elaborate festival sweets and savories. It was only in the years following paati's demise in 1991, that amma came on her own. Most of her dishes are stellar, but her coffee, sambhar, rasam, pakodam, thenkozhal and rava laddoos are simply to die for!

I agree that we are talking about my amma, and hence I may tend to be a little prejudiced. However, take a look around you- a plethora of blogs and websites are named after their mother's recipes. There is a line of pickles that goes by the name "Mother's Recipe". And a chain of vegetarian restaurants in the US that goes by the name "Amma's kitchen", evocative of simple, wholesome and delicious food cooked by one's mom. Hence, I won't be incorrect in stating that most people enjoy their mother's cooking and look forward to sampling their favorite foods on their visits home.

So this Deepavali, I am fortunate to be able to enjoy amma's bakshanams. Part of me can't stop indulging on the sweets and savories - but a part wants me to nibble on them slowly so that they can last for a long time.

Anyways, from us to all of you - Happy Deepavali! Hope the festival of lights brings light, happiness and cheer to all of you and your families.

1001 stories

"Once upon a time, there was a cat. He sat on the grass. He jumped high up in the air. The end." "Once upon a time, there was a ladybug sitting on a tree. A stinky spider came. Her said Ribbit Ribbit." I ask, "How come the spider says Ribbit Ribbit?" She says "Because, the spider turned into a froggie". Needless to say, these are not excerpts from Scheherazade's Thousand and One Nights; these are a few gems from our very own resident storyteller. Sahaana! Her stories fall under the genre of "short stories"; most of them are two sentences long, a few sometimes stretch to four. All of her stories begin with "Once upon a time" and usually focus around an animal or an insect. Through the series of stories, I have come to realize that she is obsessed with cats, ladybugs, spiders and frogs!

While the "Once upon a time" series have been a relatively new development, she has been regaling us for the past several months by "reading" stories. She has learned by rote some of the less wordy books like Eric Carle's Brown Bear and hence mouths the words in a sing-along voice while flipping the pages. However, when it comes to sentence books, she makes up her own little sentences and stories. Well, they are not really stories - more like a couple of sentences revolving on the pictures. Sometimes, she also conjures up songs on a whim. None of them make any real sense, but it is quite entertaining to observe and hear her, especially when she is unaware that you are doing so. She will usually sing to herself her favorite trio- Barney, Cookie Monster or Baby Tad (the Leapfrog toad/frog). Her favorite is the first Sarali Varisai which she sings as Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Da Nee Sa, Sa Na (for Sahaana) Dee Pa (after her aunty Deepa from Kansas) Ma Ga Re Sa.

More recently, she has developed a keen interest in her soft toys and pretend plays with them all the time. She pats them to sleep, tucks them in, and reads them stories. She feeds them, plays games with them and teaches them the alphabet. Sometimes they fall sick, and then she sits beside them with blankets, quilts and a thermometer which she sticks under their brightly colored arms at frequent intervals to check their temperature. The visits to her pediatrician have also educated her a little on human anatomy; she puts some of that knowledge into practice by loooking at her patients' ears and asking them to open their mouths wide so that she can peer inside. And of course, come sleeptime, she trudges up the long flight of stairs with Barney and Cookie Monster tucked inside each arm. She lays them on either side of her pillow and wakes up every few hours crying for her favorite pals, which, needless to say causes Anil and I a few minutes of heartburn.

If the post appears to scream "Bragging Mommy", my apologies! I don't mean to suggest that my daughter is the only child to demonstrate the aforementioned abilities; I am sure most mothers of toddlers can identify with what I have written above. However, not having observed kids closely before Sahaana, all I can say is that I find the evolution from the sleeping, peeing/pooping infant to the expressive, interactive, learning and experimenting toddler highly fascinating.

Golu

This year, I have decided to start the tradition of keeping golu during Navaratri (begins on the 19th of September). One might ask, why start now? Especially since it has been about eleven years since we moved to this country, and during all this time, the thought never really crossed my mind. Well, a large part for my motivation is to keep up with my resolution to expose Sahaana to TamBram customs and traditions. The other reason for initiating this tradition is the move to the East Coast and thereby, proximity to a larger Indian community. In the past, I have always brushed off my inabilities to cook up a traditional festival lunch or follow a rigid set of customs citing a myriad of excuses - my packed work schedule, isolation in non-Indian neighborhoods, the fact that Anil didn't celebrate most of the Tamil festivals and impracticality of following dated traditions in the US. Hence every day in the Rajagopalan household was fairly similar, be it Navaratri, Deepavali, Onam or a regular weekday. Only Vishu was celebrated, perhaps because it was a festival that both Anil and I celebrated or perhaps because it was the Kerala New Year and hence was ushered in with the usual fanfare that is associated with new beginnings.

Anyways, the past year and a half while certainly not epiphanous, has been highly humbling; I have observed both friends and acquaintances who work in highly demanding professions and return home to a busy personal and social life. However, they celebrate Ganpati with the same religious and enthusiastic fervor like they do in Bombay, complete with the elaborate aarthi, prasad and the "visarjan" on the tenth day. They celebrate Navaratri, keep golu, prepare a variety of sundals (a savory made from garbanzo beans or other lentils, garnished with coconut flakes) as prasad and invite women for vettalai paaku (a Brahmin ritual where a married/unmarried woman, girl or child is given betel leaves, coconut and/or banana, betel nuts, turmeric and kumkum at the time of departing from the hostess's house). And of course, they usher in Deepavali with the ganga snanam (oil bath early in the morning), the sweets and savories and the ritualistic pujas. With every passing month, I came to realize that the most significant reasons for my not observing any of our customs/traditions have been largely due to a different set of priorities in my life and of course, plain laziness. Anil of course, brushed away my misgivings in his characteristic nonchalant way, sometimes even admonishing me about dwelling on trivialities while there were other serious matters to debate on. His words, needless to say, didn't have much of an impact, because as your's truly would have gathered from the afore-mentioned paragraph - I have decided to join the many hundreds in the country and keep golu in our house this year.

The decision has been the easiest part. The tough part is to actually execute the feat especially since we don't have the golu frame and the wooden planks on which the dolls rest. After some consideration, Anil and I figured that we can use the book cartons that still lay unpacked in Sahaana's playroom and stack them at different heights to create steps at different heights. The next issue were the dolls themselves. While I have an assortment of ganpatis in all sizes and shapes and a few marapachi dolls thanks to my chithi(mother's sister), I don't have any of the traditional colorful mud bommais that depict the dashavatharam (the ten avatars of Lord Vishnu), the different avatars of Shakti or for that matter the more modern dolls that depict scenes from a marriage, or a market stall. Well, as of the weekend, that issue has also been solved. Amma and appa visited one of the golu bommai exhibitions in Matunga and have couriered a bunch of dolls. All I have to do is keep my fingers crossed and pray that they make the several thousand mile journey safe and sound. With just a week to go, my excitement is obvious and is rubbing off on Sahaana. For the past few days, she and I have been collaborating on several art projects that will be gainfully employed to cover the sides of the cartons that will double up as golu padis (golu steps). She of course, like any kid her age, loves anything to do with paper, scissors, color and glue. We usually work together in tandem; I make the flowers and she pastes them on another sheet of contrasting color. And every now and then, she will exclaim "I love to do art everyday".